By now everyone in the United Kingdom has read in The Sun about the release of new commemorative 10p coins tomorrow, Monday the 3rd of March.
The 260 million coins, one for every EU27 highly skilled worker expected to apply for permanent right to remain in England, have been hand painted blue to reflect Britain’s renewed sense of local pride, for local people.
”It’s also a great example of the immediate future of digital currencies too,” our financial analyst notes, “as each coin contains a digital microchip which tracks the value of Sterling against the Euro.”
This means that each time Theresa May speaks publicly on Brexit the coins devalue by 1p.
”It’s groundbreaking technology and wouldn’t have been possible without Liam Fox arranging a bespoke FTA with Germany (the chips are made in Frankfurt) in advance of Brexit.
We’ll be agreeing similar trade deals with each EU27 country over the next twelve months to ensure seamless continuity as we secretly diverge, with ministers of the crown giving backhanders to Saudi princes and oligarchs from China and Russia.”
To help people better understand the symbolism on the new coins we’ve produced a random guide of some of the designs, to train the eye for the rest.
There are 24 new designs, one for each letter of the betabet.
“We start with A for anarchy,” our analyst says, “this evokes the sense of what’s coming down the line for the U.K.”
C is for cricket, as hardly anyone in the world, who wasn’t ruled by Queen Victoria, knows what we’re playing at now.
”F is for fish n chips, to celebrate the contribution of immigration to British culture. That’s the most controversial design.
Most Tory ministers were dead set against it, but finally gave way on recognition that the prime minister, Rupert Murdoch, is from the colonies.”
E is for God, because he’s an Englishman.
“B is for Biffer, because in its guts, that’s Brexit, and the leaders of both main political parties, Tory and Labour, have united behind biffers.”
X is for xenophobia, this celebrates famous puppet minister May’s guiding principle for public policies.
“R is for rebel, without a clue, as that’s the government.”
O is for opium, that was said to be Boris Johnson’s personal secretion, we mean selection, to fire a shot across the bows of China’s ship of trade.
“G was going to be for the GFA. It’s worth celebrating and nurturing the peace after thousands of deaths.
That’s been changed to greed, to better capture the inspiration for the idiots who could care less about the GFA.”
V is for velocity, so we all know what speed we’re aiming for as we respect the will of the people.
The rest of the designs you can easily work out, as you unite behind collecting an example of each coin.
”Just don’t get the coins wet,” our financial man advises, “it’ll fry the chip inside and could cause localised electrocutions.”
LCD Views encourages our readers to ignore that advice as the future for the United Kingdom is only sunny and dry now. Money was made to go round and velocity is terminal.