Fantastic Mr Fox has declared himself ‘relaxed’ about the possibility of a trans-Pacific trade war. This is widely believed to be because he has no comprehension of how international trade operates.
Fox was far too ‘relaxed’ to speak to us, so his associate Ed Lesschicken explained matters. “This is all happening outside Britain, isn’t it?” he demanded. “So the Boss couldn’t care less, right?”
We explained that, if Donald Trump levied a 25% tariff on steel imports, that China could well respond in kind, and prices could escalate worldwide.
“This is why we are doing Brexit,” said Lesschicken. “It’s a massive display of strength and confidence which will break down barriers across the globe. Global Britain means Global Britain! China and the USA will be begging us for our steel.”
But Margaret Thatcher closed down the UK’s steel industry decades ago.
“Yeah, that’s because they were run by trade unions,” responded Lesschicken. “Ideology has always been far more important than practical matters.”
Despite Lesschicken’s assertion, Fox has been jet-setting around the globe trying to secure trade deals, or at least schmoozing and boozing. Britain’s prospects are so bright, he has even been wooing shithole countries like China. He has accumulated at least 290,000 air miles in the process. His department’s motto is Fly Me To The Moon.
This page has previously exposed Liam Fox’s improbable attempts to do trade deals with the ultimate shithole country, Uranus.
Other sources revealed that Mr Fox was allegedly “very relaxed indeed this afternoon, by which we mean jetlagged of course, after flying somewhere foreign”. The same sources disclosed that Fox had turned down the chance of a three-course meal with the PM. Instead, he was self-medicating his ‘jetlag’ with prawn cocktail flavour crisps.
As a patriotic page, we ask, is all this necessary? After all, the UK could still make deals while remaining in the Customs Union, or indeed within the EU.
We can only assume that the real reason is to keep Liam Fox out of the way as much as possible.