Social media giant, Facebook, is to hit back against criticisms of its latest algorithm change by designing a new one that fosters the sense of leafing through old magazines at the GP’s and finding your mum’s old shopping list inside. But with the added advantage of learning what the weather was at your friend’s last week, when the algorithm finally delivers a non-sponsored post.
“It’s going to really help embed the sense that being a publisher on Facebook, who is reactive to the news cycle, is just a waste of time,” head of creative engineering and speed dating, B Umble told LCD Views.
“Any suggestion that these algorithm changes are solely designed to squeeze publishers to pay money to actually have someone following your page read an article, well, that’s not something I’m willing to speculate on. Not with the added bonus of out of date weather reports.”
The social media platform is facing growing challenges from rivals in the digital world and from some of its own decisions.
“We are sure we can boost retention of younger users, and older people, by making sure no one gets any news that isn’t a week old, through our site. This will really foster a sense of traditional communities, pre-electricity, when it took days for information to travel around a region.”
The addition of the feel of old magazines stacked up at a GP’s is an interesting aim too?
“It’s to make you feel like you’re really having me-time. Also, you may have forgotten what Catherine Zeta-Jones looked like, pre marrying into the Douglas film dynasty. We can help you with that.”
But how are you going to recreate authentically the surprise of finding one of your mum’s old shopping lists?
“Well, we’re not going to show you anything but sponsored ads paid for by publishers terrified at the python like strangulation of their pages by our new algorithm, so if you actually get a post written by someone you care about, it’ll be all the more special.”
To cement the exciting changes Facebook is to boost its party planning function so young people feel properly invested.
“We’re making positive changes to the way young people use Facebook to catch up on each other’s news and plan parties,” B Umble added, “now, you won’t find out about that party you missed when you were eighteen, while you’re still eighteen, you’ll find out when you’re thirty one. That way it won’t be so annoying and you won’t be upset by not dressing correctly for the weather.”