Deputy prime minister Jeremy Corbyn, MP for East Ideology and Islongintooth, is to intervene today to quell growing concerns over his coalition government’s handling of Brexit.
It’s believed the senior partner in the coalition, prime minister Theresa May, will follow up her subordinate’s speech on Friday, once they’ve had time to manufacture new cake and eat it bullshit to compensate where her deputy’s speech falls flat.
”We’ve succeeded in pulling the wool over the electorate’s eyes so far,” media guru P Mason told LCD Views, “we hope to reach the cliff edge and hurl the entire country off into a bit of good old fashioned socialism mixed with nationalism in a disaster capitalism cup before they cotton on.”
Accusations that the coalition government has too much on its plate, what with crumbling infrastructure and lengthy food bank queues to even attempt seismic change to the economy and Little Britain’s place in the world, were dismissed by Mason.
”Now, I maybe high as a kite on uncut ideology sunshine,” Mr Mason retorted, “but I will not have it that we’ve too much on our plate and not enough time to eat it.”
But what of the claim that both the PM and her deputy are spoon feeding a dog’s dinner to the public?
“The remoaners will be forced to eat humble pie in the due course of events.
Mostly because there won’t be anything else to eat once you’ve fought the stray dogs and cats to take home the fresh kill fox carcass from the side of the road. But I can reassure you food supplies in the Houses of Parliament will remain consistent, no matter how hard will jointly shaft the country.”
Any suggestion that this has been longer in the planning than anyone suspects were also dismissed.
”Just because several of the senior party figures from both sides of the coalition were firm friends in the days of being parliamentary rebels together in no way means there maybe a lot more coordination than suspected. That’s tin foil visor stuff.”
Thats good to know, the country will need wise leadership once Donald Trump begins his currency and trade war in earnest against the Chinese, crashes western economies as a result, all while we’re making a success of Brexit.
”It’s going to be a red, white and blue Brexit,” Mason added, “but we’re better at sectarian infighting than our coalition partners, so if we time our long game big play just right, it will really just be a red, red and red Lexit.”