An old man has reportedly missed the trip of a lifetime after he got stuck in the 1970’s on Europe.
“We all expected him to get stuck in an elevator to be honest,” a friend of the old man said, “he’s more at home walking up stairs slowly. It does take him some time to build up momentum.”
It’s believed the old man had been anticipating a long and fun journey aboard the ship of state, HMS 10 Downing Street, but he spent so long getting ready he missed the boat.
“He’s a bit puzzled,” the friend said, “he missed a few other boats back in the 50’s, 60’s and 1970’s and he really thought this time his ship had come in.
But when it looked like he was about to close his suitcase and get down to the port he suddenly remembered the EU is a corporate bully playground that only legislates all those minimum protections for democratic institutions, people’s rights and the environment because it’s a great cover for what they’re really doing by essentially making it easy for everyone on one continent to trade.
He had to call up a few people and organise some talking shops after the revelation. He should have kept packing his bag. He only had a pair of beige socks left to put in.”
We asked our travel analyst what he thought of the old man missing the boat?
“Some people think he can swim out and catch it still,” Pol Affairs mused, “but I don’t know if he’s a strong enough swimmer? It’s not really surprising.
You think about the time since he began preparing to catch the boat in earnest? Other people have done all the heavy lifting. The shirts. The underwear. The spare pair of canvas shoes.
He’s just wandered about talking about wanting to catch a boat. What move has he actually initiated personally?
I think he’s very good at encouraging people to go and vote for long ocean voyages, but that’s about it. A good campaigner. Endlessly walking to a port that is always a mile away.
It was the same when he played as a striker in his local league as a child.
You could stand him in front of an open goal, the goalie could be throwing up in the corner of the net because he was allowed too much pop drink before the game, and he simply would not strike the ball into the net. Over and over again.”
Apparently some people are considering commandeering a speed boat to use to take the old man out to the ship of state before it sails over the horizon, but we’ll have to wait and see if the old man is willing to move fast enough to get into it.
“It’s a shame really,” Pol Affairs added, “the crew of the ship are absolutely insane, no one is enjoying the voyage, it will be norovirus from port to port. The old man could have been useful on board washing everyone’s feet and hands. Oh and by stopping the ship plowing straight into that little island called GFA, because it’s off course and headed that way.”