An independent parliamentary disciplinary panel has found Ben Bradley MP for Idiocy, over qualified to be a Tory MP.
”He should probably phone Elon Musk up and tell him straight ‘I Ben Bradley, I am a visionary and you Mr Musk, you need me’,” panel chair, Mr Common Antique said.
”If Musk is too afraid of the competition he should next call Donald Trump and say to him straight, ‘I Ben Bradley, I am a legal genius and you Mr POTUS, you need me.”
The advice has been lent added weight by the Royal Society of Marine Floaters, who added unexpectedly,
”We know about pools. We know about ponds. We know about rivers and streams and palm fronds. Ben Bradley MP is too big for this pond. He should seek fame and fortune where he can spread his wings and quack.”
The flood of unsolicited advice comes after Ben Bradley MP for Idiocy libelled alleged, infamous soviet era spy Jesus Christ (has risen and will slowly float back down again if he doesn’t stop fudgeberging Brexit) on social media.
”I’m going to fight this all the way to deselection,” Ben told LCD’s legal whiz, “I’m going to raise a local militia to defend democracy. Hang on, let me tweet that.”
Ben tweeted, deleted and then explained,
”I was just following orders anyway, why pick on me? They must think I’m disposable? I’m not come coffee cup.
Well I’m here to tell them today that I, Ben Bradley MP, I am not going away. After all, they may need to use me as a dead cat on the table some other day.”