Environmentalists are going bugshit with fury today at the amazing news that vultures have been reintroduced into the British countryside after a breeding pair of Paul Dacres were released.
The release of the pair took place in the Forest of Dean at midnight, after the saying of spells and the reading of omens.
“The first omens were bad,” Dr Dayley Fail told LCD’s environmental correspondent, Green Searchlight, “we kept killing chickens and spreading the entrails out on a cursed stone and they swirled into a swastika over and over. And not the good swastika, but the bad one, the clockwise one.”
Undeterred the team behind the project kept going.
“We just kept slaughtering different animals until we got the right amount of gore and guts slathered across the stone so it couldn’t swirl anymore. The Paul Dacres were going nuts trying to get to the stone.”
But why are environmentalists upset?
“Oh, you know what these cereal crunching, libtard, snowflake, democracy despising greenies are like. They’re banging on that the vultures aren’t native to the British landscape and will only reek and wreak havoc on the few wild animals we haven’t already killed off over the centuries.
But we have it on good authority, from an article in the Daily Mail printed in the early 1930’s that the vultures will thrive in the right conditions. They can’t stop us. If they do we will get about 1,000,000 spam bots onto them and sort them right out. Enemies of the people.”
So that’s good news.
It’s hoped the vultures will begin breeding this spring after raiding graveyards for newly buried skeletons. They build their nests from the bones and then shit on everything nearby to mark their territory.
“We only hope the fake news storymongers, Stop Funding Hate, don’t succeed in convincing our sponsors to withdraw funding until the vultures have succeeded in their task of turning the British countryside into a playground for tax dodgers.”