A report released today by the visionary group known as Economists for Brexit advises the U.K. to shoot the bird in its hand and set fire to its bush.
”It’s vitally important the bird is shot while still in the hand, to get maximum benefit from hard Brexit,” Professor Mingeford (rumoured to have purchased his degree online) said, and then shivered.
“After we have shot the bird IN OUR HAND (more shivering) we will stuff its shattered carcass into the hole we’ve shot through our palm. It will be important to use a large calibre gun, possibly even a small canon.”
The findings are revealed today in their latest report. To write it they got even higher than usual and strapped themselves into a chair, Clockwork Orange style.
”We watched so many tapes of exploding British made munitions I almost overdosed,” Mingeford continues, “and then the music, the music, the beautiful music of starving villagers wailing. Jesus wept. You have to take a hit from this misery bong.”
As to what to do after the United Kingdom has shot the bird in its hand?
”Well, with any luck, if we aim right and no traitor judges, journalists, elected representatives or young people get in the way of the bullet, we will have also shot oursevles clean through the foot.”
This sounds fantastic!
”Then we turn our attention to the bush with two birds in it.”
What do we do then?
”Douse it in gasoline and tory, tory torch it. Stand back laughing, watching our bush burn, get on the highway and head north.”
So this will flush the birds out?
”Who cares? Who really fffing cares? We just want to watch the world burn.”
LCD Views would like to say how thrilled we are that a group known for rubbishing forecasts it doesn’t like has produced a forecast of magic thinking we can all get behind.
”Are the lambs still screaming Clarice?” Mingeford wants to know, “or do we have to get our hands on a nice new flock and get our hands wet?”