The first Big Brexit Benefit has been revealed. Our Glorious Leader, Theresa May, has announced that a potentially lucrative trade deal has been struck with Uranus.
Although details are naturally sketchy, this is a triumph for May and the Trade Secretary, Liam Fox. We will no doubt, in time, become better acquainted with the products of Uranus.
“Global Britain means Global Britain!” gushed Brexit advocate R. Slicker. “It’s one in the eye for the EU. This is out of this world!”
Slicker could not put flesh on the bones of the deal. “Early days, early days,” he chided. “I am not privy to the whole agreement. I assume that Uranus produces, well, Uranium I suppose. The nuclear summer is round the corner.”
Liam Fox was in celebratory mood. “This is, I believe, the first such interplanetary deal in the world!” he announced at a hastily-called press briefing. “It has the added benefit of enabling me to fly to Uranus to finesse the deals. I am thinking of re-naming air miles air parsecs!”
Fox did not reveal the cost of his space hops, but assured the faithful hacks that Britain would benefit in the long term. “I am also on the brink of securing trade rights with Pluto,” he revealed, before berating the International Astronomical Union for downgrading Pluto’s status to a ‘dwarf planet’. “It means that I can no longer fly business class to Pluto. Britain deserves better!”
EU representative Claude Feete was on hand to admit defeat. “I’ll tell Liam Fox where to stick it!” he exclaimed. “He can stick it up Uranus!”
Something lost in translation there, we suspect.
We tried to contact representatives from Uranus for comment. Unfortunately, neither the Pigs Of Uranus nor the Pink Fairies managed to make any kind of coherent sound.
This certainly isn’t a bad deal. It will be a roaring success, because as we all know, no deal is better than a bad deal.