David Davis MP will reassure a collection of European business leaders and politicians in Vienna later today that Brexit won’t be a Mad Max style dystopia, it’ll be like The Shining and the twins will be Theresa Mays.
“He’s going to soothe the nervous flock,” One half of David Davis’ brain told LCD Views, while the other half wandered aimlessly, looking for a drink.
“Look, all these fears that we’re going to slash and burn rights and regulations in the service of greed, leading to a dystopia lifted from Mad Max are just plain wrong.
Firstly because we genuinely haven’t planned much other than just “action operation wrecking ball”.
But for those people who are nervous I want to reassure them by asking a question.”
Go on.
“Have you read ‘The Shining’ by Stephen King? Because it’s going to be much more like that after Brexit. Very personal. Not this crazed tearing about the desert business. We won’t be able to afford the fuel for that anyway.”
Whether or this will relax the mood in Vienna and bring the Austrians on side, we will have to wait and see.
Presumably the vision of David Davis as Jack Torrance, trapped in a high mountain resort closed for winter, slowly going insane as he just can’t get the final Brexit impact assessment written, while his family watches with increasing anxiety, and then terror, before attempting escape, will at least prove that Davis and other Brexiters have a clear vision of the future.
“And don’t let anyone tell you I’m not prepared for questions today. If anyone asks me who Theresa May is in my dream of the UK’s future, I will answer honestly.”
The twins are Theresa Mays, unable to escape the nightmare and now committed merely to terrifying everyone else.