Theresa May is to announce a government review into the university fees screw up today that will take as long as it takes to blame Jeremy Corbyn.
”Well it won’t have been the Conservatives,” May will say without batting an eyelid.
”Sure David Cameron convinced a giddy boy called Nick to back the trebling of fees back in the days of collation.
But that was merely to destroy the Libdems and get back to a proper two party system.”
Mission accomplished on that one, for now.
”It’s Jeremy’s fault anyway for not agreeing to lead Labour in coalition with the Libdems when he had the chance.”
If she’s talking about the 2017 GE, she may have a point…
”The review panel will be composed of educators from the Daily Mail, Telegraph and University of Life universities, and will soon get to the bottom of what went wrong.
I don’t think it could have been our decision to treble fees to make higher education another neocon trash and slash and profiteer zone.
It was supposed to make a sector struggling under the malaise of Corbyn’s racist immigrantion policies more competitive.
Nick Clegg should never have made Jeremy Home Office minister.”
He didn’t, did he?
“The bloody old trot has sold off the loan books and allowed interest on loans to be charged thousands of percent above the market rate.”
The enquiry will also look into why Jeremy decided to disadvantage the poorest students by taking away living cost support, thus increasing the debt burden on the poorest.
Asked why they are opening themselves up to a charge of treating students cynically when everything they’ve done in government since 2010 gives the lie, May responded,
”We can’t attack Corbyn on Brexit. He’s closed ranks with us on that so tight we can’t thank him enough. Thank God we have an impartial, majority locally owned press to back us up.”