LCD Views is forced by our reluctant commitment to balance in news to report this evening on the horrifying news that UKIP is to be investigated by the electoral commission because they have changed their mind.
“We’re all deeply, deeply upset,” Rosie Searchlight said, while she gathered herself to phone the electoral commission.
“I don’t know why Titan doesn’t make this call? Treason like this is above my imaginary pay grade.”
She looked forlornly for help from other members of the editorial team, but all hid their faces. Cowards.
“Is that him screaming at a chair in his office?”
It seems the trauma to British democracy has come about as a result of a vote by UKIP’s NEC this afternoon to tear the leadership of the party away form Jeeves & Wooster character, Roderick Spode, who only escaped the book a few months back.
“I know all he’s done since he took up the reigns of British democracy is cheat on his wife and bang some racist entertainer, but May and Corbyn are in the process of dismantling our services industry and ending manufacturing of everything but baskets and cases in the UK, and building a wall of bigotry in the Channel by endorsing UKIP’s main goal, so it hardly seems fair.
A shed load of racism and idiocy is what we expect from the party that has set the country hurtling towards the cliff edge, just by winning some council seats when gutless wondershit David Cameron was president,” Green Searchlight blurted out, before asking Rosie for a hanky.
“Justice will have to take its course,” Rosie said, straightening her back,
“It is no longer British to change your mind just because you’ve made a complete balls up of a very important decision. In fact, it’s now against the law.
I don’t see how UKIP can escape a fine from the electoral commission that can only sink it, on top of that little libel matter.”
But people who maybe upset by this development are minded to be ready.
UKIP’s need to change leaders more often than most folk change underwear means that not in the future, but now, anyone and everyone will be leader of UKIP.
“Andy Warhol’s estate has been forced by events to update the famous quotation attributed to him, it now goes,
‘We now realise that Andy’s original pronouncement is somewhat outdated as due to Social Media everyone now has their 15 minutes of fame.
So the next 15 minute wonder has to be leading a quasi-human racist party promoted till all our ears bleed by the BBC.
UKIP are now inviting applications from anyone with half a brain. But request no one who is capable of using a knife and fork apply, as we only have spoons.”
Further consolation is offered by the reassurance that 95% of the license fee is now spent promoting UKIP and will continue to be spent in this way so long as the BBC, along with Tory and Labour Party leaderships, continue to believe that only the proportion of baby boomer electorate that didn’t evolve their politics is the only demographic that matters.
Your fifteen minutes is coming. Regardless if you fit that description or not. Be ready.
“I’m going to be ready,” Rosie and Green chorused, “we’re tweeting Daily Mail editorials from the 1930’s praising Hitler into cyberspace just to be sure.
We’ll have the racist cred required to lead UKIP and hold the major parties’ feet to the fire till they deliver our reason for being, Brexit.”
Are you ready? Are you ready to warm the seat until Nigel is ready to sit again? You could be called at any moment. In the meantime, chip in a few quid to keep the UKIP boat afloat, donations can be made by sending untraceable dark money via Crimea to N. Farage, wherever he’s staying right now, to keep ahead of the Mueller probe in America.