LCD Views can report with a swollen breast and a justified sense of pride that our grassroots campaign “Sponsor a Leaver to Remain for only 58p a week” has raised £350M in the first first week.
“It’s the simple way to untangle the knot of Brexit,” campaign organiser Mr O. Intern said, “we just pay off the Brexiters.”
It’s such a simple solution it should have been put into action on the 24th June 2016, when the red bus exhaust was still settling across the land.
“I was actually pushing to make it a round 60p a week, indexed to rise with inflation, but our accountant suggested if Brexit happens people sponsoring leavers could find themselves paying five pounds a week in a year or two.
They’ll need that money to buy ‘brexit zombie away’ powders or maybe spears? We’re not sure how it’ll play out after the food riots.”
The £350M raised is even more impressive given we failed to get smaller MSM organisations to pick up and run with our message.
“It was easier than I thought to raise the money,” Mr Intern continued, while making coffee for the chief editor at LCD, “given how much of the Brexit campaign was focused on the membership fee, and how very small that fee is relative to gain, we found even cash strapped remain voters were willing to dig under the sofa cushions.
Most sofas that have seen any length of service can pay for an entire leave family to remain.”
The campaign is to continue to run until such a point as Brexit fails or the money is pooled to charter ships to ferry remain voters across the channel to refuge before the EU finish building the wall around Britain that is planned to control the contagion.
“If you want to help a leaver today it’s only 58p away!” Mr Intern adds, before responding to the bellows from the editorial office and running off to deliver the coffee.