Premier league champions Brexit United are still leading despite playing poorly and claim they can hold on to take the crown no matter what challenge they face.
Their nearest rivals, Remain Rovers, have put in some strong performances, but, despite being presented with open goal after open goal, keep failing to score.
But it is United who continue to make the running.
Manager T. May is unable to explain the continued success.
“I am reluctant to change a winning team,” said May. “Even though performances have not been up to the standard I would expect. Somehow, although we can’t score for toffee, or even fudge, our opponents keep scoring own goals.”
The media billionaires who provide the finance are currently satisfied.
“So long as we stay on top of the league we don’t care what we play like,” claimed chairman R. Murdoch. “But if it all goes pear-shaped then we have Jacob Rees-Mogg lined up to take over as manager.”
Midfield general Jeremy C. Hunt expressed the fear that players would be dropped if they played badly.
“I was going to be dropped, but managed to make the boss realise that I was an essential part of the team,” said Hunt. “Players simply need to let the boss know who’s boss.”
Football pundit Larry Gineker gave his analysis.
“Disunited is a better name for the champions,” he said on Botch of the Day.
“Their Irish players in particular need to start playing for the team. However it is almost as if their opponents are deliberately helping them to win. We must hope that May injects some passion in the second half of the season. Would you like some crisps?”
Jermaine Jackson looked at Remain Rovers’ chances. “They simply need to expose Brexit as frauds,” he said. “It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3.”
Meanwhile some fans are deserting both teams in disgust. Brexit United’s media people deny occasional claims that a small, but vocal block of their supporters have switched allegiance.
A cup tie on May 3rd may make things clearer.
”I have teeth to pull,” said one irritated fan. “My drying paint won’t watch itself,” claimed another.
Unfortunately, all the diehards can do now is to shout from the sidelines and wait for the red cards.