Brexit linguists are reacting furiously this morning to a report from the Institute for Language in Industry, which concludes the famous saying “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” has been found not to apply to Brexit.
“We deny it,” fumed Mr Figel Narage, speaking on behalf of a shrinking minority of Brits labelled ‘the people’.
“This is just part of the secret plot to sabotage the journey to the sunny uplands.
Did the institute even attempt the experiment of having a vibrant, hi-tech industry like the automotive sector after rapidly pulling prematurely out of the largest trading bloc on earth?
I bet you they didn’t. This is pioneering stuff we’re about. It’s what made Britain great!”
Questioned how he could be so certain that introducing any degree of disruption into just in time, cross border manufacturing systems wouldn’t undermine the profitability of the sector and causes massive job losses, Mr Narage responded,
“Pure speculation designed by traitors to undermine the glorious future the United Kingdom will have when people like my puppet masters can trade the whole country like a commodity such as cheese.
I wouldn’t listen to any cunning linguist if I were you. I certainly can’t stand it.”
Quite. Hardly surprising.
But the Institute was not getting off the front foot.
“We took forty seven rats and we subjected them to a diet solely based on a formula of vague reassurances and blithe statements, and long grass. Half died in minutes. The rest turned to cannibalism and right now, the last two rats are having a fight to the death. The winner will presumably exist on food parcels flown in from France and via self-cannibalism afterwards.
Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger didn’t even get a look in, didn’t even get a start for the majority of test subjects. Although of course, whoever is crowned King Rat will claim the opposite, until he’s eaten his arm off.”
So there we are. Don’t try this at home.
On a side note, the exhaustive research undertaken to write this article suggest the phrase in the title is of Japanese origin (other searches returned Chinese and Korean).
If it is of Japanese origin it’s a fitting phrase, given the polite warnings the Japanese representatives have been giving about the future of their business interests.
Now, over to Nigel Farage for a rebuttal, oh, hang on, he’s on a conference call between some of Trump’s minions and bots based in Moscow. We’ll wait.
LCD Views would offer the alternative phrase however that, “Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stranger”, because Heath Ledger just nailed the Joker back in the day, in a way that made the heart beat stronger.