NHS set to save billions after U.K. gets all the antibiotics it needs from imported American food, after Brexit.
Handoncock, health minister, wasn’t available, so we spoke to famous environmentalist Mickey Gove to find out more.
”Mickey Gove, good of you to join us on the LCD sofa.”
“It’s my aaarrrrhhhhh absolute pleaaaaadure to be heeaaaaareeee on this delightful bit of furniiiiiituuuuure.”
He’s doing a William Hague impression.
“Can we just talk normally?”
“But I’ve been so busy playing sardines with Boris and the other boys, I haven’t had time to oil my dissembling engine. I want to distract with my famous William Hague.”
He’s even got the baseball cap on.
“Let’s just start,
“Would you have preferred the surname mouse?”
”I would have preferred, that when the British people entrusted me with the weighty responsibility of plunging the knife into Boris’ back, that I’d got it right through to his heart. But I’m sure to get another go in the coming months.”
Here we go, evading the questions already.
”Just answer the question Mr Gove.”
”£350M per week for the NHS!”
You must be kidding me.
”Given the economic forecasts, that the BBC for one, has largely pretended don’t exist, isn’t it a bit rich to roll that chestnut out again?”
Tap fingers and wait for an answer.
See the mad eyes swivelling.
See him sliding along the cushions of the sofa.
”Please don’t touch me. Just answer the question honestly.”
”Okay,
“The savings to the NHS alone, which will naturally occur once we have a complete and traumatic severance with the EU (it’s almost as if that’s the plan!), will more than adequately fund whatever additional needs the vital institution of the national health service has.”
I’m standing up now. It’s like being close to a devious elf.
”And how do you figure that out, famous environmentalist, Mr Gove?”
”Because of all the antibiotics in all the imported American food silly!
“Every chlorine soaked chicken will also cure a throat infection, before, and this is really important that the British people understand this, before it gets worse,
“A steak will take years off your life, but it’ll deal a mighty blow to that bit of syphilis!”
He looks like he actually believes this. Clearly the engine inside is up and running.
”Got yourself a nasty bladder infection? Have a penicillin laced bacon butty!
“Can’t see through the smunk of conjunctivitis? Just have a pressed ham sandwich,
“Brexit won’t destory the NHS, it will save it,
“Especially, and it’s important that your readers understand this, Brexit will save the NHS by saving it billions on antibiotics and because we will also no longer own it.”
What was the last bit? I didn’t catch it?
”I love the environment almost as deeply as the hole in my heart I keep for Boris Johnson. Who, I may say, I am one hundred percent behind.”
Well that’s good news at least.
“Not long to go then?”
”Nope. Any day now.”
Thank you Mr Gove.
“Just wait for your NHS rebate after it saves on prescriptions. £350 per week for every man, woman and child.”