“If Jacob Rees-mogg had planned the gunpowder plot it would have gone off with a bang,” said a man in a white shirt who started a punch up the other day, while strangely not dressed as a Nazi.
“Robert Catesby, Guy Fawkes and the rest of the mob, just amateurs,” the man in the white shirt, strangely not dressed as a nazi for once, continued,
“look at the excellent conspiratorial work of the dashing member of parliament for North East Somerset last week?”
Look indeed, how could we not! As the media spotlight was right on the (alleged) plotters from the moment they got the short con of a civil service stitch up rolling under the protection of parliamentary privilege.
“You see the difference? Had Guy Fawkes planned it right he would have been standing inside the commons with all those barrels and a torch and no one could have touched him. Second class. Third rate. Remainder in a barrel job that 1605 plot.”
And how perfectly it went off last week, as Steve Baker lit the fuse after Rees-mogg laid it out for him to light, allegedly…
“It’s not their fault it blew up in their faces!” the man in the white shirt, strangely not dressed as a nazi, continued, “those traitors at Prospect magazine and their treasonous recording devices that set the record straight. Why I’d like to biff every last man and jack of them.”
But at least they had a follow up.
“Get some of those Corbynaitors right wound up by slapping a woman in the chops to make them look bad! ha!” the man in the white shirt, strangely not currently dressed as a nazi finished up, “they fell for it hook, line and sinker.
I can’t say who originally thought up that little plot. Just because it’s also blown up in our faces, because I like to wear fancy dress at parties, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth a shot.”
Whatever will they think up next? Or maybe it’s all part of the planing of the long con of Brexit?
We asked Steve Baker MP, who won’t be sacked for abusing parliamentary privilege to attack civil servants who can’t fight back, what he thought of it all,
“I think it would be quite extraordinary if it turned out that such a thing had happened.”
Quite Steven. Quite. Maybe take a little longer in the planning next time you hatch up a plot with a 19th century fop?