Downing Street hit back today at the increasingly desperate EU by rejecting an offer on financial services post Brexit because the new bank passports on offer will not be blue.
“Haven’t they heard?” DExEU lapdog and minister, Steve Baker MP, “we’re not taking your burgundy rubbish anymore! Unless, unless you’re a backer of Brexit and wish to retain freedom of movement post Brexit, in which case you’ll spend about a million quid to buy citizenship, otherwise, forget it!”
The EU are said to be quaking after Downing Street slapped their burgundy offer back in their faces.
“They can’t handle it,” Baker, lapdog and minister, went on, “We beat them in two world wars, three if you count Napoleon, all on our own and we’ll bloody well beat them again if we have to. We still know how to set a ship on fire! Are you listening EU? Do you get me?”
It’s not certain how the city of London is taking the firm stance adopted by Theresa May’s government, regarding the colour of any future banking passport.
We’re certain a terrified representative will pop up on the radio tomorrow morning, between 6:15 and 6:30, Today programme, BBC4, to attempt to diplomatically say something like,
“We’re not supposed to overtly get involved in politics. Lobby the hell out of the government behind closed doors, that goes without saying. But not overtly. So I’m going to say a few measured words and hope you interpret from them that I am dying inside, a little more, each and every day this Brexit insanity goes on.”
Steve Baker had more to say,
“I’ll shortly be nailing my letter to the door of the EU in Brussels setting out our demands for blue banking passports post Brexit. No colour but patriotic, British blue or they can forget about access to our financial markets.”
How do you think they’ll like that?
“They’ll be trembling sunshine. Just dying in their boots. After all, they need us more than we need them. Never forget it.”
Mr Baker then left to go into a dark, quiet room and weep quietly for how different his expectations of a carer in politics are turning out from the reality.
More on this as it comes to hand. As long as it’s the right colour, in the hand.