Labour to table amendment to EU Withdrawal Bill that allows them to play music as the country sinks

Sad King Starmer has warned the governing DUP party that when the EU Withdrawal Bill returns to the Commons they will be tabling an additional amendment which gives only Labour the job of playing the music as the country sinks without trace, breaks into its separate nations, before falling back into a dark age squabble over who can get killed by Vikings more often.

“This is the official opposition opposing,” an aide to Sad King Keir told LCD Views, “the Tories want to play Theresa May’s work mobile phone ringtone, Ride of the Valkyries,

as the waves build on the horizon,

rise high and higher,

before crashing into the White Cliffs and crushing them,

dragging them back out as the giant sea monster Brexitus Brexitius inhales its momentous and human hating breath, before exhaling doom across England again.

Who remembers the lessons of the world wars of the 20th Century in the UK today?

Only continental Europe, Scotland and Northern Ireland does! On balance, if you take the ref result.

Who wants to back the vision of Nigel ‘needs a sineater’ Farage?

The man who stood in front of a billboard mirroring Nazi propaganda on the day Jo Cox was butchered by a far right terrorist? Our parliament does!

Because that is Brexit!

How can our MP’s (not all, notable exceptions) not keep in mind?

How can they as a body not be guided by Jo like a light on the hill in the distance that offers sanctuary from the rising tide of the night?

Labour don’t think the Tories getting to choose the music is fair.

The Cons got to start the party,.

Granted they own the majority of the real estate, the whole tower block, but Labour are playing warden in that crumbling beehive of looming inequity, still…the Tories, yes,

with David “pissweakspinelessrunsfromanyseriousfightlikeapropertoffbully” Cameron being too weak to face down UKIP!

I mean, don’t get me started, UKIP?

Funded (allegedly) by dark money, a people’s army of idiots, racists and ageing daydreamers and neocon capitalists, and David…oh whatever.

Let’s not forget George “Wonder Economist” Osborne either.

North filled austerity king in his shiny jackets and hard hats,

(keep going from your castle keep at the Evening Standard George! I do like that! It’s even warming me up to you some son! Pay your bill, even if your motives are personal.

Get your payback on Theresa “humiliated me like older, bile encrusted Tories did, before when I wanted to be party leader back in the 00’s!

“And they crushed me with a hard hand on the rump so ferociously I couldn’t sit down for days, but it made me, tempered me into the killer renegade I now am, re-tempered by the robot PM dishing out humiliation again in 2016″,

Both should be given a bloody medal, that bursts into flames and singes their hands, so they’ll have trouble counting all the bloody money they’re still making,

even though, even though, they’ve pushed the country to the point of ruin.

Before Dave left to wander about all seventy five rooms of his mansion, occasionally ducking out to his man cave, shepherd’s hut shed, to cry alone about how his plans to be bigger than Churchill fell to ruin,

a shed which cost more than the average annual income in Brexitland, and he had the gall to go in a big splash across the papers, look at me!

The new Dave!

Does anyone know a good stylist? Sam says I’m a bit drab.

I’m pimping myself out for a job sucking cash out of the…well….lobbying Chinese billionaires to buy big flaming pieces of Blighty!

And then here’s the Maybot, unable to update any of her files, just crashing again and again into the door to her office at Downing Street, can’t find the way out, reboot, reboot, reboot, like a malfunctioning, badly made, floor robot that is only good for sucking up dead spiders from the corners,

blue screen, spinning wheel, useless as tits on all the bulls, not just one, give her the whole herd.

So yeah, let’s not be completely unbalanced, let’s let Labour ‘we want Brexit/Lexit so every class, bar the top 1% we want to guillotine, is eating out of bins,

so we get real social change of the revolutionary kind,

so we’re going to whip our MP’s who know this is a horrible idea, to vote with May,

till the skin and flesh flies off their backs in big, wet chunks and sticks to the sweaty, facial cheeks of the grim faced hole of a man holding the cat o’ nine tails’,

who is he?

He’s historical amnesia, that’s who he is, he’s the beast that almost destroyed the world.

Is that really how people are starting to view us now? That bad?”

Yes Labour! A lot. Sigh. Right or wrong.

You’ve still time to change course and carry the country with you.

But you’re on the clock too. Damn your eyes!

“No, you yellow Tory you, we just want to play the theme music at the end.”

The motion is expected to receive cross party support.

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