A Downing Street insider has phoned LCD Views, repeatedly, to tell us that Theresa May’s work phone is now just going straight to voicemail until she works out what she wants.
“I was experimenting to see if something was wrong,” the insider said, on the promise of anonymity,
“I stood in the hallway and phoned. The phone is on her desk. But she wouldn’t pick it up.
It just rings with her “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” ring tone for about thirty seconds before the voicemail kicks in.
God knows how Donald is going to get through to her to talk turkey when it’s time to sell U.K. plc to the yanks?”
The insider believes the reason is Ms May is worried Angela Merkel will phone, again, to ask her what she wants, again.
“She has no idea, of course, just a fuzzy idea about being Britain’s greatest prime minister, apart from David Cameron.
Never go out for a quick bite with her. She can stare at a menu with four options and never decide.”
But surely she has some aides who can answer for her?
“She has several. But they aren’t allowed to touch her phone. She’s a bit of a control freak. All detail. No decision.
The aides are mostly in trouble and standing in the corner facing the wall anyway.
It’s a bit of a shambles, if I’m honest. But I love her sense of self appointed authority.”
But what if a Tory party donor tries to phone?
“She’s definitely not answering.
Not all of them think they’ll profit of crashing out of the EU, tanking the currency and flogging off the NHS to the yanks.
Some are actually pretty cheesed off. Which is weird. Money is supposed to always make money. Unless the government is completely screwing up everything.
But that can’t be the case, because the official opposition are aligned on the most important policy matter.”
We asked our insider to try one more time and we’d record the call.
They agreed.
“Nope. Just U2…now the voicemail. God she sounds terrified.
Hello Theresa, it’s Kate Hoey phoning again.
We need to talk soon about how we’re going to stage manage the EU Withdrawal Bill when it returns to the Commons.
I can’t give Starmer the notes if you won’t talk to me. Please phone back. My number is 666. Thank you.”