LCD Views has been chosen by DExEU to respond to the leaking of Brexit economic forecasts to Buzzfeed, and thus the rest of the press, by asking a pressing question. Why did the NHS cross the road?
The shocking revelation that the government’s own Brexit economic forecasts range from bit crap, to really crap, to omg we’re all going to starve crap, at least solves the riddle of the David Davis song and dance show regarding said impact assessments.
“You know things are bad when the PM legs it and Irritable Duncan Syndrome is rolled out across the Today programme to irritably dissuade the voters from taking fright,” LCD’s bravest economic analyst said.
“And I quite concur with the government, in rubbishing its own secret forecasts. Firstly, the forecasts don’t take into account the massive post Brexit boost to the UK from the bespoke deal we’re going to successfully negotiate with the EU.”
The one they’ve been saying time and again we won’t get?
“The very same. Also, there’s all that value to be released from the sale of the NHS in exchange for an endless avalanche of antibiotic and hormone fattened, swimming pool strength chickens. You can put your fears to rest.”
That sounds reasonable.
“It’s time we privatised the NHS anyway. To make it more cost efficient to run and more productive. And besides, can you smother a GP in a dozen secret herbs and spices?”
Maybe, if you know them well enough.
“How many ducks does a cardiac specialist weigh?”
No idea. Guess it’s bespoke?
“How many eggs can a nurse or a primary care specialist lay, in a day?”
Good question.
“So don’t take fright. It will all be alright. Once the Brexit chickens come home to roost. Oh, and we’ve sold off our most loved public asset in a fire sale beginning at 11pm, 29th March, 2019.”
That’s cleared up that riddle.
“Why did the NHS cross the road?” asked our economic expert, switching to dad joke mode.
“Because it was sold for a pile of chlorinated chickens to the USA. Have a nice day.”
NHS, you know you love it! Mmm.