Irritable Duncan Syndrome, which is a form of cheese that is permanently off, had to be rolled out of the fridge he’s stored in this morning to rubbish the leaked economic forecasts, on behalf of the government which leaked the economic forecasts.
”What use are any forecasts regarding Brexit if they don’t point to Brexit being a roaring success?” IDS grouched, almost as if living in hell spiritually is tiring.
”I mean, self appointed experts, take me for example and the undeserving and deserving poor, self appointed experts are what we need.
Brexit will be a success if everyone gets behind it.
Excuse me while I vomit up the last remaining shred of my conscience.”
But why leak your own economic forecasts, only to disagree with them?”
”It’s like a vaccine. Which are rubbish, by the way, have you ever seen anyone catch measles after having the measles vaccine? Fat lot of good they are.
Excuse me. I got a bit of what’s left of my soul caught in the crack in one of my molars this morning. I’ll be back. Just got to dig it out.
You don’t have a pencil do you? A sharp one?
I might poke out one eye so I can be king of the blind, while I’m at it.”
That done IDS carried on.
”It’s just sensible government. You dripfeed out the bad news, bit by bit, keeps everyone distracted as you run down the clock.
Then when the proverbial really hits the fan no one is surprised and you can carry on with the job of government.”
IDS was rolled back to his fridge by his Today programme keepers. So he didn’t totally liquify before his next round of attempting to browbeat the people into submission with dissembled bollocks.
”The people have spoken!” IDS bellowed, as the fridge door closed, “now will someone please tell Humphrys I need him to see to my corns? They’re driving me nutty.”