The Institute for (World Class) Shambles has issued a warning that the UK’s shambles clock has moved to one minute to midnight.
”It’s been this close a few times before. The banking crisis. The Seuz crisis. That time Colonel Melchett was made Secretary of Defence, pretty much all of the 1640’s was actually midnight, but this is the first time for a while it’s been this close.”
The Institute does clarify that we’ve been moving steadily through the seconds since the general election in 2015.
But what’s nudged the minute hand to one minute to midnight now?
”The government crying leak and we’ll find the traitor, over the financial assessments it wrote, lied to conceal, then finally decided to leak in order to vaccinate the voters with small pox before they catch the full blown yersini pestis of Brexit. That was two minutes to midnight. May losing the vote on her deal and sticking her fingers in her ears has us at one minute to midnight.”
That just sounds like sound governance, surely?
”Well, if it were in anyway conceivable that this was part of an organised strategy and not just a bunch of headless chickens running around 10 Downing Street crashing into walls, I’d grant you that possibility.”
You’ee saying it’s not part of an overall sound and well considered strategy? Surely that’s not possible. Strong and stable. You remember that.
”Are you having me on? We’re a serious bunch of scientists. We don’t laugh when we’re dealing with a complete and utter breakdown of common sense in the parliament of an industrialised economy.”
So how do we turn back the clock?
”You could try Brexit?”
You almost had me there for a heartbeat.
”I like to kid about sometimes. But not for long at one minute to midnight on the Shambles clock.”
What should we do then?
”Set your alarm for five seconds to midnight and just run.”
Where to?
”Hopefully the ballot box.”