The once-mighty overlords, having reached an “understanding” with the Danes, have been usurped by the Norman Conquerors. Frenchmen have been in power since 1066 and have taken the best jobs in Britain. The deposed Anglo Saxons are not happy.
“They took our jobs and our homes,” Jacob the Supplanter told LCD Views, from his hovel in Somerset. “We just want to be able to get on with ruling the Britons in peace. We want our country back.”
Oh yes, the Britons. Long time natives of this sceptred isle, they have been forced to the margins by the incoming Anglo Saxons, the Danes, and many other Europeans. The Danelaw lay between the Saxon kingdoms of Northumbria and Mercia, so the Britons retreated into the mountainous hinterlands beyond Hadrian’s Wall and Offa’s Dyke. They were shown little Mercia.
“We intend to fight for the right to make our own Danelaws,” continued Jacob. He cited the recent victory of the Battle of Stamford Bridge, but hoped to hold the rematch at the rather larger Wembley Stadium. “We always win on penalties,” he concluded optimistically.
The Anglo Saxons are themselves immigrants. Jacob himself is typical, being an ardent Welsh muggle with a Hebrew name. The Anglo-Saxons have been displaced from their home lands by rampaging Slavs, Bulgars and Alans. It must be galling to be overrun first by Alans then by Normans. The Anglo Saxons must dread an influx of Brians or Geralds.
This fatal inability to hold back the tide was demonstrated by the Danish King Cnut, during a seaside holiday one particularly wet August. Cnut and his courtiers, using only toy buckets and spades, attempted to build a wall of sand to hold back the sea. They failed, Cnut shamefacedly claiming that it was an attempt to demonstrate the weakness and vanity of man. What a Cnut.
The Anglo Saxons are bereft of land, money and ideas. They have resorted to creating monosyllabic profanities, while the Normans fart in their general direction.