The government is resisting calls to release forecasts detailing the cost of shooting the UK in one foot, in both feet or just diving head first into a wood chipper.
“We can’t let people see these reports, especially not parliament,” a spokesman for DExEU told LCD, “if parliament sees the reports in full they’ll know we’ve gone f*cking bananas.”
It’s understood that pressure is growing regardless, from MP’s and the public, to have the economic forecasts complied by DExEU released in full, so as to better inform the country’s decision makers.
“Look here, look now,” Boxus Barrel-Barn MP, Dorchepper Dimension, commented,
“I’ve got a bloody double barrelled shot gun aimed at my feet. I’ve got my fat, expenses loving finger on the trigger. I need to know what the likely result will be if I go along with the government’s wishes and pull the bloody trigger.”
He’s not alone.
Many MP’s are demanding the release of the documents, faced with the various potential outcomes of the Brexit negotiations.
“I’ve been repeatedly punching myself in the face since the 24th June 2016,” Tory, Tottup-Spiel-Glockem MP, Thrumble on Skirts,
“There’s blood all over the shop. I can’t see anymore. My teeth are rubble. I need to know what’s going to happen if I take it up a notch and get a hammer. Who could possibly tell on their own?”
LCD Views has sympathy with the need for secrecy, as expressed by David Davis and the other bollocks pedlars charged with the difficult task of negotiating the UK’s departure from the largest trading bloc on earth, under the totally believable sun ray of fortune which promises that arms sales to Saudi Arabia will more than make up for the loss of our entire service sector alone.
“I hear Jacob and Owen think the best course of action is just to shove the entire UK headfirst into a f*cking wood chipper and see what comes out the other side,” our political editor commented, “bloody brilliant idea. They’re both keen gardeners. Let’s get going. You first.”