There are reports of outrage and even possible mutiny among staff at DExEu this morning, who arrived for work to discover the whole show has been replaced by a white elephant.
“It’s supposed to save money,” Phil, bookkeeper grumbled,
“but I’ll be buggered if I know how replacing a vast and expensive department set up in a rush with a flaming white elephant will save money?
How many billable hours does an elephant get through a day? Must be dozens.”
Security guards were also unimpressed.
“Mr Davis gave me a strong sense of stability and certainly in my job here. He took his lead from Ms May.
He catches the ear whenever he speaks, expansively, on furniture or the job of simply unravelling connections with 21st century commerce.
What flaming use is a white elephant instead of a department? Where will I put my mouse pad? On its rump?”
But a spokesman for the office of the prime minister clarified the vision behind the change,
“I’m not sure what all the fuss is about?
The Prime Minister made this change well over a year ago.
Liam ‘Air Miles’ Fox is next. We got two white elephants for the price of one. Genius accounting.”
We popped round to speak to our political naturist to get their insight.
“You could have told me you were dropping my,” C Nude snapped, “I’m just getting ready for the beach.”
We waited a moment for C to put something on and then he said,
“This is just a clarification of the philosophy driving all the changes made by Theresa May since she accepted the challenge of eradicating inequality and unfairness among the bonus culture of top CEO’s and donors to the Conservative Party, by making poor children work harder.
DExEU and The Department for International Trade is basically a pride of white elephants. Something we can all be proud of.
In fact, a white elephant more fittingly represents the office of the prime minister at the moment and I support this move.
You should write an op ed doing the same. I’m the entire United Kingdom is uniting behind being one big white elephant instead of a modern, trading, outward focused, welcoming, modern, globally focused, efficient…”
There were lots of adjectives, in a row like deckchairs. We left soon after so he could put on his new clothes and go to the beach and get sunbathing.