Boris Johnson has picked the dead cat off the table, thrown down the other day to distract from Macron’s visit, and slapped it right back down again by saying,
“Of course, my um, ah, my proposed bridge of freedom would be constructed inside the existing channel tunnel.”
The reasoning behind this appears to be the assertion by the operators of the Eurostar that pulling the United Kingdom out of the customs union will put them in a position where they can no longer operate their service.
“Shipping. I suggest they go into passenger liners,” The Foreign Secretary shrugged off the concerns,
“this momentous change in the fortunes of our once great nation mean the Chunnel will be free to have my bridge, the Bungle, built inside.
Furthermore, it will be a garden bridge. I’m going to ask my chummy, chum, chum Joanna Lumley to back it!”
Construction on the Bungle, with skylights, is due to begin just as soon as,
“We’ve arranged a special exemption for all the EU 27 nationals we will need to help us construct it.”
The funding will come,
“Not only from the twenty seven, billion, million we will save by no longer paying contributions to the Pope Farage pension fund, but from the massive amounts of money we will make once we start imposing tariffs on John McDonnell’s idea of a single market relationship.”
But critics have accused the foreign secretary of attempting to distract not only from the fact he has still not arranged the release of Nazanin, but also the catastrophic mountain of nonsense both the Conservative and Labour Parties are creating for the country.
“Pifflefabble,” Johnson countered,
“working hand in hand with our Brexit colleagues, UKIP, Corbyn and McDonnell we will make the Bungle a shining, submarine example of what a Britain freed of the need for a cross channel train service can do.
The bridge inside the channel tunnel will render both tunnel and bridge useless, cost all of our wealth, which will go straight to tax havens, which is exactly what all our public policy is currently intended to do.”