The British Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, was in an expansive mood last night when he announced plans for a new cross-channel bridge while having dinner with the President of France.
The Bungle, as it’s been nicknamed by admirers of the bold initiative, is to be completed in time for the UK’s triumphant return to the EU in 2075.
“Working with our fantabababoulist colleagues in the Department for Transport we will build a bridge to somewhere,” Boris told a wry looking Macron, “a sparkling example of what a Britain, freed of the constraints of the EU can do.
We look forward to working in partnership with our friends in the EU to build a bridge symbolising our deep and lasting union, even when we’re out of the union and trying to return.”
The bridge, which will begin at a brownfield site in Kent and terminate in Calais, is to be constructed by a consortium handpicked,
“By my colleague Chris Grayling, who, after consultation with senior donors of the Conservative Party have selected Global Carillion 2.0 to lay the foundations. Global Carillion is a shining example of British teamwork, not for nothing is it nicknamed ‘the Phoenix that never sodding dies’.”
Internal critics in the government have agreed the bridge is an excellent initiative, but have demanded it should cross the Atlantic instead.
This will make it easier for US based asset strippers to cart off the remaining treasure of the U.K. post March 2019.
The response from the EU has been muted, in its enthusiasm.
“They want us to pay for it,” a spokesman for the ECB said, “what’s the point of spending decades building a symbol of partnership? Some clown lol Boris, having escaped from a Jeeves and Wooster novel, will just smash it down again.”
While there has been surprise that the EU has heard of Wodehouse, otherwise the British contingent have interpreted the response as a definite yes, how much money do you want?
Ms May has not been asked for comment because she’s not really the Prime Minister, not really.
Construction begins tomorrow, after the visas for the construction teams have been sorted out.
Build a bridge and make it to somewhere.