The Home Office has issued an emergency directive banning all polling until after the success of Brexit, which everyone in the United Kingdom has united behind, as recent results have contradicted the will of the people.
“It’s to protect the will of the people,” Bull S Hit, speaking for the Home Office, told LCD Views.
“The recent trend in polls suggests that the mood of the people is starting to change. This is not allowed. This is a democracy.”
It’s felt if the results of polls continue to argue that people have, in the majority, changed their mind on Brexit, the very soul of our new system of government will crumble.
“You think about it, if people want to think again, now that they have more information and experience of the initial consequences of their advice to parliament, that would demand a system akin to parliamentary democracy. It’s a real threat to the eternal will of the people established on the 23rd June, 2016, when we updated our decision making to whatever Rupert Murdoch and museum curiosities like Rees-mogg want.”
So polling is now banned, until after Brexit?
“Maybe even longer. The people have spoken. It’s not like they need to speak again.
And it’s the only way to protect the legacy of David Cameron. You remember him? He bottled it in the face of Farage because he correctly realised that the baby boomer generation were going to be the last to ever vote again in the United Kingdom.
It’s a good thing he ran off to some lucrative gig selling posh sheds to the Chinese, or whatever. But I’ll never forget him.”
As part of this temporary measure, just like all temporary measures, now the government has its Henry VIII powers, patriotic democrats are asked to report anyone who asks them a question about Brexit to the Home Office’s new, Will of the People, task force.
The official opposition have pledged support to this measure too, as they’re too busy rubbing one out over the chance to do Lexit. Aren’t they Keir Starmer.
“If anyone asks your opinion on Brexit be sure to say you think it means defeating the EU army, and then call this low cost phone number and report them for sabotage.
It’s the will of the people.
It’s how we do things now. We’re a democracy.”