Roger Bolton, de facto head of the Conservative Party political goals and social media strategy unit, has informed all party members that the new social media strategy is to delete everything posted online before yesterday, just in case.
“Just till we can work out what the hell is going on,” Mr Bolton explained,
“apparently some of our younger, more media savvy members have a back catalogue of statements, even videos, that are ahead of their time.”
It’s believed the directive will stay in place until the unit figures out how to best use social media for the classic dead cat days.
“You know those days when a hospital closes due to only having toddlers available as play nurses, no real nurses left. Tends to play a bit poorly amongst the welfare scrounging demographics.”
In the usual run of things an MP no one has heard of, not even in the constituency they represent, is ordered to say something a bit exciting.
“Draws the media scrum away from the bad news event. A little peak into the soul of the party is a small price to pay.”
While this is still a viable play, look at the recent example of Annie Mary Morrish, the unit believes they need to work out how to use it effectively on social media.
“To get the whippersnappers engaged.”
But critics of the strategy, from within the party, don’t think the directive goes far enough.
“We need to install an auto-destruct mechanism on all social media accounts,” C Rocodile MP, Turtle on Fencepost, tweeted to the official Con twitter account,
“in fact it would be a damn sight easier if we just pulled out of the SM [social media] altogether and closed all our accounts.”
Pull off into orbit and nuke Twitter from space?
“It’s the only way to be sure.”
C Rocodile next posted a compilation of royal bums to which people are invited to give a “phwoar” rating.
Fortunately for the MP everything he does online today will vanish on Saturday.