Recent BBC guidelines for interviewers have been leaked to LCD Views. The overlords who control the BBC have decreed that political interviewers are not to challenge Brexit, on pain of death, or (worse) being dismissed.
The document emphasised the need for an absence of bias.
“Bias”, it defines, is “Any point of view contrary to the current orthodoxy, or commonly held opinions. Since Brexit has been so universally accepted, it follows that it must not be debated.” As an explanatory sub-paragraph reveals, “Since Brexit is at a delicate stage of negotiation, interviewers must not rock the boat by questioning, debating or contradicting Brexit or its principles in any way.”
The document goes on to detail the set procedure for interviewees who stray from orthodoxy.
“Firstly, shout repeatedly ‘But the people decided! You can’t argue with democracy!’ at any sign of dissent. Secondly, if the dissenter persists, steer them onto the correct line of thinking. Trump them by saying, ‘Brexit is happening, whatever you say.’ Finally, refer to the BBC Guide To Political Debate On Social Media for a choice range of insults.”
LCD’s Brexit Means Brexit So There correspondent analysed the guidelines for us. “Clearly, all opinions are equal, but some are more equal than others,” he summarised. “Brexit is so inherently self-contradictory, that BBC journalists who contradict it would be seen as creating an imbalance in the debate. In other words, arguing against Brexit creates a paradoxical situation of both agreeing and simultaneously disagreeing. That is what Brexit Means Brexit means.”
So, we should simply keep our heads down, and work towards a common goal? “It’s altogether simpler just to let things be, and wait for the dust to settle,” he said. “Wait and see. Muddle through, it’s the British way. Ultimately, I think that we should just stop this unpatriotic whingeing. The people decided. You can’t argue with democracy. Brexit is happening, whatever you say. People need to accept the fact, and get over it!”
Our correspondent has since been allowed to seek alternative employment. At the BBC.