Thames Waterworks have asked LCD Views to issue an emergency public safety bulletin this morning, on the back of the alarming news that golden showerer in chief, Donald Trump, has called off his planned visit to the capital.
“This is a public safety announcement.
We urgently request all residents of London, and other areas, to not pour your individually collected gallons of piss, stored to throw at Trump, into the storm water drains and sewers all at once,” the bulletin request begins,
“The creaking infrastructure of the capital, and other areas, will be unable to cope with the sheer quantity of yellow liquid and we fear the streets of London, and other areas, being paved with your liquid gold.”
Please take note, this is not the result of privatisation and under investment of the water services.
It is the result of WW2 bomb damage to the infrastructure of the capital, and other areas.
“We ask that you continue to store your liquids safely in neat, well capped, rows in your backyards, out of the reach of boys, and girls, and pets, and drunks.”
Apparently the MoD has expressed interest in collecting the slowly crystallising liquids too.
“As part of Great Britain’s advance into the future we will once again be collecting household urine for the manufacture of gunpowder.”
This is to properly arm the militias Farage intends to set up should Brexit not occur, or even if it does.
“Please be patient at this time of increased demand on the service in London, and other areas.”
You know those leaks in the roads and pavements that occur frequently and take weeks to repair?
You don’t want fountains of wee sparkling in the sunlight on your street.
“This is a public health danger, much like Trump,” the bulletin ends, “and besides, he may still visit later in the year. So keep your powder dry, or wet, to throw another day.”
The end.