The populist propaganda preacher Nigel Farage has decided to make his intentions quite clear. The cheery Brexit slogan ”Bog off, we’re full” is to be painted on the white cliffs of Dover. In letters fifty feet high. Using red paint. Farage himself has offered to carry out the work.
Farage is notoriously hard up, however. His measly income from the European parliament barely covers basic necessities, such as Tweed suits and vintage champagne. Therefore he has applied for EU finance to fund this vital work.
LCDs Tilting At Windmills correspondent met Farage over draught bitter and cigars. “The government wasnt keen on painting a message on a national icon,” said Farage, taking a deep swig of Olde English Dogsbollocks. ”So I volunteered to do it myself. It is symbolic of our great Brexit victory, perhaps even more so than the blue passport.”
It is clearly important to send the correct message to our European chums. ”This is a job that needs to be done, and it falls to yours truly to do it,” Farage noted, sparking up. ”So I have ordered 500 gallons of bright red paint and a big ladder.”
There is a potential snag: the language barrier. ”That’s why the words will be fifty feet high,” remarked Farage, patiently. “It’s the written equivalent of shouting. It always works for me when I have to talk to bloody foreigners!”
And the beauty of it is that the EU will, hopefully, pay. ”Well, they bloody well ought to!” exclaimed Farage. “After all the favours we have done them, they should be only too willing to stump up a few quid to help out a poor Englishman! It’s their raison d’être, to give me their money. It’s a quid pro quo.”
We spoke to the EU’s Pointless Grants Office, but they just laughed at the suggestion. Poor Nigel may be maxing out his credit card after all.