The UK’s newest Secretary of State for Education has taken to the job with gusto by ordering all schools in the United Kingdom to teach a redefinition of the word ‘democracy’.
“It’s whatever the party who tentatively holds onto power by buying a majority wants it to mean,” an aide to the new minister explained to LCD.
LCD : But what’s the new definition?
“I just told you. The new definition is ‘whatever the party who tentatively holds onto power by buying a majority wants it to mean’.”
The clarification is important.
“Too many people are clinging onto the outdated notion that our democracy is a system of government wherein all the voices of the population are heard and balanced by way of reaching a compromise agreement that enacts not only a majority view, but takes into account minority interests also, to stop them getting all disenchanted and militant and stuff.”
The old way was occasionally put into practice in the U.K. by way of electing representatives who stood in a place like a parliament and debated issues and respected the expressed views of constituencies while also, and very importantly, used their best objective judgement to make important decisions affecting the lives of all. This did not always square with the changing opinions of voters, but was a good check against mob rule.
“That was a pretty boring way of doing things. And tended to over complicate issues.
Brexit is a great example.
How do you deliver an agenda based solely on distracting lies packaged up as nationalism and appealing to people’s’ insecurities about a changing world in order to enrich offshore, tax haven loving, sociopathic billionaires if you actually debate the issues factually and attempt to balance a majority view while respecting a minority one too? You might even find objective analysis says it’s a real dumb idea. What a pickle.
It’s impossible.
The new definition is much simpler. We call it ‘will of the people’.”
LCD : But why change it now?
“Hopefully redefining democracy will go some way to bullying remoaners into shutting up about all of our lies.”
LCD: Critics will say this move is designed to distract the people from what you’re really attempting to do? And what you’re really attempting is contradictory of the old definition of democracy.
“Oh, you’ve just defined Brexit. We’ve no plans to redefine that. We all know Brexit means Brexit.”