DExEU is thrilled to announce today that it alone is responsible for “the boom time commencing for patriotic British concrete suppliers, owing to the car-parking over of Kent”.
“This is just sensible advanced planning in the advent of a ‘no deal Brexit’,” David Davis MP told LCD’s Aggregates and Other Materials Specialist.
“Clearly, if we do crash out of the European Union without a deal, or a transitional period being agreed, then the customs queues at Dover are going to be eyewateringly long.
Our initial plan was to build a bridge all the way from the White Cliffs to France, but that idea was abandoned at the concept phase, for being contradictory to the entire ethos of Brexit.”
And it’s not only concrete suppliers that are experiencing the joys of sudden influxes of giant amounts of taxpayer’s cash.
Demolition building contractors are right now ferrying busloads of labourers across the entire Kent landscape armed with pneumatic drills and sledgehammers.
“We’re setting up temporary accommodation for the population of Kent in Yorkshire. Clearly, all the houses and standing structures in Kent have to be flattened as you can’t park lorries on bumps.”
The temporary accommodation is tents, for the most, with the first families to arrive being given the few trailer homes DExEU could requisition at short notice.
“We will be airdropping food supplies to the relocated people, for the first week, but I advise them to locate the nearest off license, as they’ll need to be self sufficient from week two.”
Labour however, in spite of the jobs being generated, have hit back at the new concrete focused, infrastructure plan.
“We agreed with government that there would be no contingency planning in advance of Brexit. Such treacherous moves make it less likely we’ll be able to nationalise the farming sector in Kent, when we take power in April 2019, as you can’t grow corn on concrete. We’re deeply troubled.”
In a surprise, additional statement, Labour even threatened to whip the PLP to vote against Theresa May’s government on a Brexit amendment again, but that’s thought just to be a bit of bluster and not a serious threat. It’s rumoured Mr Corbyn is still waiting for his pulse to settle after having done it once. You have to build momentum to vote against a weak government on its agenda of bulldust and lies. You can’t just launch yourselves into it!
“We don’t need to do operation Carpark Kent,” Tom Watson, Labour deputy leader, added later, on his facebook page,
“We’ve a perfectly sensible plan to continue trade, post Brexit, with the continent by way of thousands of little British boats ferrying goods back and forth daily between England and Dunkirk. It’s our new ‘boats first Brexit’.”
A boats first Brexit? That’s something we can get onboard with!