The Prime Minister is expected to reassure an increasingly cash strapped country today with the creation of the minister for the magic money tree as part of her major, groundbreaking, earth shattering cabinet reshuffle.
This will be a reshuffle so impressive, for protecting and promoting serial incompetents in the most senior government positions, that it will underscore the degree of authority exercised by Ms May over her cabinet.
“This is not rearranging the deckchairs on the cabinet of the Titanic.” S. Atan MP, Purgatory-on-Woe, minister for comfortable pillows, told LCD,
“This is planting the magic money tree firmly in the deck of the great ship of state where it will provide shade for our wealthiest donors. While simultaneously, and this is important, forcing its roots right down through the lower decks and out the hull, probably drowning everyone else down there. But not to worry.”
Who will be given the plum new job is not yet clear, but Arlene Foster is said to be in the running.
“She has the experience. She knows how to hand a prime minister a set of secateurs and a pruning saw and get them cutting. But perhaps someone with a fleeting association with Carillion may also be right for the eye catching position.”
Critics of the new post have already attacked the decision.
Taking to social media, on Twitter, our own financial whiz, Professor Money Boffin, had this to say,
“She is already creating a Minister for No Deal Brexit. Apart from robbing satirists of a headline, again!, the two roles are really one and the same thing, given it’s estimated a no deal Brexit would cost the UK £400 BILLION.”
But at least, with the creation of two new ministers, the priorities of the government are clear, blow all our cash and not have to pay for it.
And you can be sure, whoever is promoted today, has spent all weekend deleting old tweets!
Oh, and she’s been searching hard to find a right wanker to promote to the position of deputy prime minister, as that’s the major qualification.
Now let’s all get behind the government and make a success of Brexit, just like the official opposition (who is the leader again?) is currently doing.