Liam Fox MP is pleased to announce, via LCD’s only real estate correspondent, that he has almost completed purchasing a three bedroom semi-detached house off the coast of Fukushima.
“I just hope nothing goes wrong,” a breathless Dr Fox told LCD, “we’ve exchanged contracts, but completion is contingent on there being no more nuclear accidents before completion date. And definitely no tidal waves. I told the mortgage company it’s located on a quiet lake, not the Pacific Rim, If they find out I lied I’ll have to leg it.”
Mr Fox reportedly searched far and wide for the UK’s new home, after agreeing to sell our current one lock stock to a consortium comprised of American, Chinese and some Russian interests.
“Some people have criticised me, saying I should have found where everyone in the UK is moving to before selling our current home, but they don’t know international wheeler dealing like me. Have you seen my air miles lately? It’s nuts. Guinness book of records nuts.”
It’s believed this announcement is also a cunning bit of strategy connected to the current Brexit negotiations with the EU.
“The EU thinks we intend to stay dwelling off the coast of France, even after Brexit. Won’t they be shocked when they wake up and realise we’ve done a runner in the night! We do actually owe them a little bit of rent, so we have to move at night.”
It’s not clear who Mr Fox is going to employ to move the entire country, and its pets, and settle them into the three bedroom house on the Pacific Rim, but we’re sure to get a great Pacific trade deal once we get there!
“A good friend of mine has promised to help us move,” Fox smiled, “but only if he gets to choose our new curtains. He likes to play hide and seek.”