LCD Views’ embedded Metropolitan Bubble correspondent can report alarming news of consensus building for unification of London in the face of Brexit chaos.
“I believe in unions,” S. Arf told LCD, “unions of nations that form countries and unions of countries that form unions, if people are talking about shared interests they are less likely to fight.
But I’ve always resisted any attempt to make me think people who live north of the Thames aren’t weird toffs and I should consider myself in a geopolitical union with them.
But Brexit? That’s changed everything.”
It’s believed the change is a result of realising just how much in common people living on both sides of the river share.
Both like having passports that allow them to leave England (it’s rumoured this trait exists in other regions, but no one has gone to check for sure) and both are starting to think the north of England should have to put up with the Houses of Parliament for a few years.
At least until they realise just how much London has taken it on the chin for them since 1066, with the exception of the harrying of the north.
Oh, and that blip in relations under Thatcher.
“I always thought south of the Thames was just drug dealers, unemployed musicians and really poor people,” N Oorth revealed, “but I’m having to reconsider.
Migrations from the north to the south may have changed the demographics enough for me to one day consider going further south than Festival Hall.”
Numerous pressure groups have sprung up to give public voice to the desire to bring London together and make a success of the possibilities provided by Brexit.
“If we get north and south Londoners to accept they live in the same city and should work together than we may well be able to get them to build a wall around the capital and secede from the United Kingdom before March 2019.
If we can do that it will mean there’s still a point in having a Eurostar terminal at St Pancras after Brexit.
Actually if we can do that we should probably think about uniting England too. But one step at a time.”
Rumours have been circulating that the mayor of London is intending to build a wall of affordable homes in a ring around the city. This is to keep out foragers from outlying regions when the post Brexit famine occurs with the collapse in farming, after withdrawal of EU subs.
“If we do secede and declare ourselves an independent nation state we should make it clear we’re leaving the United Kingdom, we’re not leaving England, well, not until we can work out how to physically separate the land under London from the peninsula that joins it to Watford.
That’s the start of the “north”, isn’t it?” N. Oorth added.
Economists have warned though that if London leaves the U.K. it will necessitate a hard customs border between London and the rest of England.
Also, that before London acts unilaterally to cut itself off from Brexiters, it should ask if any other regions want to go into union with it, even if that means envoys (maybe hostages) will need to be exchanged.
“We’ve a solution for that,” N Oorth reassured, “we’ll solve it like Westminster has solved the border issue between Northern Ireland and the Republic.
We’ll pretend it isn’t happening whilst simultaneously kicking it into the long grass and hoping no one talks about it again.”