The latest implication of the new post-Brexit blue passport can now be revealed. A blue cover entitles true-blue Brits to travel to other blue countries.
Seeking clarification, LCD’s Colour Of Legal Documents correspondent contacted 10 Downing Street. They issued a highly detailed document. Hidden amid paragraph after paragraph of self-justification and obfuscation, a few nuggets of hard information could be found.
“Blue countries means Blue countries.” “Blue represents the hardest Brexit possible.” “All truly representative political parties are associated with the colour blue.” “Blue is the colour, football is the game.” “A blue hat for a blue day.”
So that’s all clear then. We telephoned Labour HQ for their response, and received the following message. “Blue countries? Hang on a mo. you’re joking!… what, really? Oh… what did Number 10 say?… Yeah, that. What they said.” At that the line went dead.
It was a similar story with other political parties. The LibDems, after 15 minutes of valiant hand-wringing, offered nothing more. All the members of UKIP were down the pub celebrating their great victory, although one did claim to be my very best friend before collapsing on the floor.
Professor of Geography Easton Hemisphere had an alternative take on the news. “Traditionally, a political map of the world uses four colours,” stated Prof Hemisphere. “So the new passport will take you to any country traditionally coloured blue.”
All well and good, but isn’t Great Britain traditionally shown in pink? “Yeah, but you don’t think anyone will actually use it, do you?” retorted Prof Hemisphere. “That’s the big secret, a blue passport won’t even be valid in this country! Nor any other, as blue wasn’t generally used! Ha ha!”
We suspect that Prof Hemisphere has allowed himself a degree of latitude in his analysis, although it makes no less sense than Blue countries means Blue countries.
The Smurfs are said to be fearing an influx of holidaying Brits.