News from the North Pole this morning is that official opposition leader Jeremy Rebel Corbyn has written to Santa and asked for a new whip for Christmas as he’s pretty much worn out the old one.
“You try whipping your MPs in support of the Prime Minister and Brexit each day parliament votes,” a supporter of the Santa like party leader told LCD, “frankly I’m surprised the whip has lasted this long. The majority of our membership don’t want Brexit and the majority of the PLP knows it’s insane too, but they’re all doing as they’re told, mostly, in the hope Brexit will do the job of bringing down the Tories for them.”
Corbyn is clearly skilled at applying the whip to his party, having ignored it his entire career, pretty much, until he got the power of it to use for himself.
“It will be a good thing if May gets her EU Withdrawal Bill through with the enhanced powers she seeks. Jeremy will inherit that too and we’re seeing what he does with the party whip in a time of national crisis, imagine what he could do with a bit of autocratic power gifted by the hapless Tories?”
But other supporters of the man promising the unicorn Brexit have been quick to rush to his defence.
“Brexit is a hard right coup in service to extreme neoliberals and backed by extremely rich people who makes most of their money dealing with regimes who have zero regard for human rights, what’s wrong with supporting Brexit? Jeremy has principles. Especially if he sees an equation of deep harm to the entire country leading to political gain for the Labour Party. It could be a Great Leap Forward.”
It’s believed whatever harm Labour is complicit in causing by effectively being in coalition with the Tories on the massive self harm project will quite easily be reversed once Corbyn is prime minister.
“We’re going to turn every household into a steel manufacturer and issue household steel outputs to that end. It’s a bit nostalgic but it worked for Mao. And don’t forget, McDonnell threw that little red book across to the government in the commons because sometimes eggs have to be broken to make an omelette. Even if 20M starved to death.”
Not to support the government in breaking all the eggs of the UK’s economy by playing a cynical political game with Brexit, rather than stand up for truth and explain to leave supporters in Labour constituencies how they’ve been conned by xenophobic wannabe fascists, would be seen as betraying the will of the people.
“We’re going to keep talking about Jezza’s principles till the hard border goes up between Northern Ireland and the Republic.”