LCD Views reports live from the scene today that rescue teams are continuing to scour Westminster for bad news that was abruptly buried yesterday under the media landslide of a royal wedding.
“It’s chaos down here. A big shiny thing has grabbed the attention of the mainstream media and most are failing to notice several elected representatives rushing out with shovels and pieces of paper to bury bad news under the cacophony of the announcement that a couple of people are going to tie the knot and everyone else is going to pay for it.”
It’s believed the biggest potential casualty of the landslide caused by Harry and Meghan was expected (by David Davis) to be his handing over of a heavily edited, recently written school assignment to his tutors.
“He’s a bit miffed. He actually had till today to hand in his work, after getting an extension because he didn’t finish it on time because he was out playing with his friends rather than doing his homework. But he figured when the great big shiny thing happened he would slip it out yesterday and hardly anyone would notice he still hasn’t finished it and he would get top marks,” said a breathless friend of the DExEU secretary.
Also buried under the landslide yesterday was something about sanitary products not going into schools, some other stuff about benefits, and oh, who knows? Look under the rubble! Look especially under the rubble for government press releases hastily pushed out after a couple of kids told everyone they’re tying the knot and you’re not invited!
LCD Views will go on the record and wish them both well and that they have a happy wedding day and live happily ever after, while maintaining our general bafflement at monarchy as a cosmic event. No one in the editor’s office would have wanted to have been born royal. Good luck to them.
Now, if Harry and Meghan could just step to the side so we can search the news rubble underneath them…