Liam Fox is to seek professional help immediately after accidentally admitting they have no solution to the border problem in Ireland.
Speaking to one of the Sunday morning waffle offerings, the minister concerned was asked about one of the more serious vexations of the Brexit problem.
“We can not solve the Northern Ireland border problem,” he replied, before going pale and adding more words that were so loosely related to reality no credible journalist will repeat them.
“Why aren’t you just asking me about the money we will pay the EU for a free and expansive future trading relationship leading to a deep and meaningful relationship going forward as we leave Europe and flail about like idiots in the middle of the Atlantic waiting for disaster capitalists to profiteer us into the deep?”
Why indeed.
A key part of making a success of Brexit is the media focusing as one eyed as possible on a hypothetical amount of money that May’s government probably has no intention of paying but focus on it as it feeds the bias they seek to further against the EU.
“We can’t use that classic tyrant’s trick of building up a fictional external enemy if commentators unhelpfully focus on real and deadly serious issues like endangering the Northern Ireland peace process with our own actions in order to make men like Nigel Farage, and their puppet masters, happy.”
The consequences of Brexit are so real and so serious and so potentially damaging to so many lives, especially in Northern Ireland and the Republic, that it would be best if everyone doesn’t talk about it until it’s too late and Brexit is unstoppable.
“We would ask everyone just to remember they won, it’s the will of the people, even if we totally screw up the good Friday agreement.”
English people are especially asked to consider how many lives they are prepared to damage charging headfirst with this shambolic and completely heroic act of wishful thinking and imperial nostalgia without sufficient care and any planning.
Anyone who knows what Theresa May and Arlene Foster are saying to one another is asked to add the dialogue in the comments.
Someone must know where the magic wand is that avoids a hard border while also dragging Northern Ireland out of the EU. Oh hang on, Owen Patterson apparently has it.
Please begin to wave it even faster expert Owen so we can see it till it dazzles.