Parents are being advised to manage the expectations of their children today after news broke that famous Laplander, Santa Claus, has failed to apply in time for a visa.
“Even if he did and he crosses the border, it’s likely he will be detained until he proves he has a right to enter the United Kingdom,” an official for the Home Office advised LCD Views.
As anecdotal stories start to circulate of most likely illegal actions targeting EU nationals, it is probably just as well Santa is being forced to dodge a potential billet.
“Oh, we wouldn’t shoot him. Brexit is a front for fascists, but we’re only doing fascism light at the moment and arbitrarily locking up EU nationals at great personal cost, to them, till they prove they have the right to be here. The hard stuff comes from 2019.”
It’s believed this humane new directive is being done as a light touch way of convincing EU nationals they really will be happier staying across the channel with their youth, energy, education and often capital.
“Santa should have lodged his visa entry application form in January to have had any hope of gaining permission in time for Christmas 2017. Please be sure to explain properly to your children it was his fault and not our new policy of creeping xenophobia resulting from Brexiters gaining control throughout government.”
Hopefully an English Santa can be sourced locally and taught to fly a magic sleigh powered by flying reindeer in time for Christmas.
“Don’t go giving people false hope now. Although I have heard a digital Santa will be ready in time for Christmas 2018, maybe.”