A unicorn has appeared in the allotment of a north London man to explain that a ‘workers’ Brexit’ will also suck.
“I keep turning up,” the unicorn explained to LCD Views’ reality correspondent, “he normally can’t see me, so I stand in his line of sight and say what I’ve got to say, before I go back to my magic realm.”
The unicorn is feeling hopeful though that her words are finally penetrating the barrier between her kingdom of sunny uplands and the allotment in north London.
“I need to correct you there,” the unicorn interjects, “I don’t live in a kingdom. Please don’t print that I do. Unicorns believe in organising society as an anarcho-syndicalist commune, well, not organising as such, but we take it in turns to act as an executive, on a weekly and rotating basis, but all decisions of the executive need to be ratified at daily meetings. We don’t get much done. I’ll stop borrowing heavily now from that wonderful script and get on with it.”
Whatever the complications of the unicorn’s own realm she is determined to intervene in ours.
“People are always chasing us but we’re often close to hand. You never catch us because we’ve seen what some of you do to rhinos, so it’s easy to see why we keep well ahead.”
But that doesn’t mean they don’t want to help?
“Look, let’s cut to the chase. Worker’s Brexit will suck as hard as the other ones because it’s the twenty first century where you exist.
This means you’ll be out on your own and ripped to shreds by the international poachers of disaster capitalism and the other big beasts. USA. China. Russia. And others.
Everyone has been pushed about by you in their history and it’s deep in cultural memory.
Stay where you are and work to improve where you are. It’s a fundamental principle of happiness. People blow relationships all the time because they take their partner for granted and end up alone holding a bucket of poo and having to rebuild.
No point having a worker’s Brexit if no one has any bloody work, because you did Brexit, is there?”
The unicorn asked another question before fading from view,
“The Black Death in your 14th century began the process of giving workers rights because their rulers could no longer control their mobility as completely, because there was too much demand for their services elsewhere.
How will ending freedom of movement across twenty eight countries improve condition for workers?”