“It’s the tonic we’ve been thirsting for,” commented a resident of Strabane, which is situated on the Northern Ireland side of the border and linked to Lifford, in the republic, by Lifford Bridge.
“All this time, since the advisory referendum on EU membership, we’ve had the distinct, and unsettling impression, that the people in government hadn’t really thought the issue through and were just making things up as they go along. To hear there is an actual plan is very reassuring.”
And an actual plan there is. No one needs to worry.
LCD Views can reveal tonight that we have seen a copy of the fag packet that David Davis and Boris Johnson have jointly worked out the solution to the border problem on.
If the UK decides, in its collective wisdom, to withdraw from the customs union with the EU, then we will handle the Irish border problem by,
“Pretending it isn’t happening so it goes away.”
We showed our copy of the imaginative and flexible plan to the anxious resident.
“That’s fantastic. I need to move goods back and forth across the bridge each day, across the border, so it was a real worry for me until now. Not to mention the little issue of a more distant concern of a return to the troubles if a “hard” border was re-established.”
One less worried citizen in Brexit Kingdom.
“Well, I’ll just stop filling my silly head with worries and get on with my day.”
You do that sir. Be of good heart.
Everything is in hand. If you believe it then it is true. Also if you ignore it.
“It’s only because all the BBC does is bang on about the hypothetical divorce bill, just like the kippers and the Brexiters in government, as if that’s all the EU mentions.
When the EU is constantly talking about the border and the Good Friday Agreement, which gives the mistaken impression they care more about us than Westminster.
But that must be wrong because Theresa gave some of us £1.5bn so she could keep looking after us, in her wisdom.
It wrongly gave me the impression that they were either too arrogant to care or too stupid and didn’t know what to do.”
Now who would ever think that of a House of Parliament merrily voting through far reaching decisions without a plan of what to do after?