David Davis, MP for Wreckxit, finds himself in hot water intellectually today after being challenged to an IQ test by a packet of mince.
“I’m fed up with comparisons between myself and that plonker,” the mince told LCD’s Political Genius correspondent.
“I know for a fact the taxpayer is shelling out millions for Davis to take shoelace tying lessons and there’s people saying he’s as thick as mince? I’m flexible. You can do a lot of different things with me, just try making Davis into a Swedish meatball and see how far you get?”
It seems the mince became so fed up with the repeated analogy only now as it’s become popular to use it while describing Davis’ handling of the negotiations with the EU.
“Him and me. Man on mince. Let’s settle this. He can choose the IQ test. If he’s too thick for that then let’s try having a time trial over who can fight their way out of a paper bag fastest.”
The mince asserts it is ready to go right now and is only waiting on Davis to agree.
“If he won’t take me on that settles it too.”
It’s believed the best place to take the IQ test is somewhere outdoors.
“Let’s do it where he feels comfortable. Standing on a crumbling footing of bollocks on a cliff edge overlooking jagged rocks. He’ll feel right at home.”
It was suggested they could settle it by both being measured for thickness and then discovering who was the exact same thickness as two short planks, but the planks weren’t having it.