LCD Views has exciting news for defenders of democracy today with the news splash that all ministers in the current government are to undergo replicant tests to weed out any remaining humans from the cabinet.
“Its vitally important, as we move forward into the future, as one people with a unified purpose,” begins the press release from the Downing Street computer, “that we ensure only easily programmable robots are working for a certain megalomaniac, multi-agenda billionaire across the sea, on your behalf.”
The release goes on to explain that all serving ministers will be required to attend an interview this week with a ‘Blade Runner’ and undertake the Voight-Kampff test in reverse.
Questions in the test are expected to be similar to the following,
“Q. You see an opportunity to sell off portions of an NHS trust in a neglected area of the UK to a tax haven loving offshore billionaire, how does this make you feel?”
“Q. You have a chance to regain sovereignty, even though you never lost it, do you…”
“Q. An MP is butchered by a far right terrorist with a headful of fascist horror during the EU referendum campaign, do you take that as a warning of what rides with Brexit, or stand like a rabbit in the headlights as the far right coup strips your country of all international standing and threatens to destroy it economically and just vote with the government to facilitate Brexit?”
“Q. You hear the phrase, ‘You lost, get over it!’, how does it make you feel, knowing you are allowing a narrow win in an advisory referendum to be used as a mandate from God to ignore all evidence that the advice was stupid and based on lies, and just charge headfirst in the hope of turning the entire UK into a tax haven with no regulations, so very greedy men and women can get richer?”
“Q. You receive your 200th request to play ‘Candy Crush’, how does it make you feel?”
It’s unlikely any humans will be found remaining in the cabinet, but there maybe one or two taking shelter behind a hat stand.
“Johnson, Gove, Hunt, May and others will be exempt from the test,” the press release adds, “because the result is blindingly obvious.”