LCD Views’ Democratic Health correspondent has received reassuring news this morning that the famed ‘Willy of the people’ is to seek treatment for electile dysfunction.
“Willy has been brought out and exposed to public scrutiny so many times over the last two plus years, the strain is starting to tell. Not to mention sheer age, given he’s from the older voting demographic by and large.”
Symptoms first started to become evident the moment he was first exposed to public scrutiny in 2016.
“You could see he was flaccid at times and uncertain if he was up to the job. The next day he would be stout as English oak and almost impossible to keep down.”
The public figures who have aligned themselves with Willy have issued stiff and multiple denials that anything is wrong with this most public organ. Although it’s worth noting they aren’t holding Willy as hard as they used to.
But they still claim to have a firm grip on his innermost desires; that he fills them with rigour and a upright sense of direction, even though he’s barely at half mast.
“Willy never changes in his mind or ours,” our correspondent advised, quoting from a sheet said to contain eyebrow raising government talking points, “once he has raised his flag he is off like a rocket and fast as a steam train through a tunnel no matter how the winds of fate blow, hard, or soft.”
But keen observers have noted that whatever the people claiming to know the mind of Willy may spout, he’s been up and down and turned around so many times since June 2016 that it would be a shock if he wasn’t suffering electile dysfunction.
“The treatment is actually pretty straightforward,” our correspondent advises, “Willy needs some straightforward facts, no beating around the bush, just plain old talk about the body politic and what it desires and he’ll be stiff as a flagpole again in no time. Some sort of willy joke should do it. I mean, people’s vote!”
A fresh election wouldn’t hurt him any either.