Red-faced restaurateurs are facing crippling bills after losing huge quantities of furniture. This is the surprising result of politeness. Waiters meeting and greeting customers were instructed to say ‘take a seat’. Many customers have interpreted the phrase literally.
Bosses at Greedy McCready’s restaurant were initially astonished when diners began to complain that there were no seats available. It took some time to realise that the reason was a lack of chairs, not space.
“It took a long time for the penny to drop,” said “Lightning” Rod McCready, managing director of Greedy McCready’s. ‘But we have learned our lesson. No more politeness. No more turning the other cheek to the cheeky fat bastards who eat here.”
McCready’s chairs, being designed for the more generously proportioned diner, have become the ‘must-have’ accessory among tubby folk. They are also much more comfortable than, say, a standard dining chair.
“I found the chairs addictively comfortable,” claims one anonymous chubster. “I just had to have one at home! Besides after my dinner I couldn’t squeeze back out of it, so it came right home with me.”
Others are less subtle. “They said, take a seat,” said a shifty type with an unmarked white Transit van. “So I did. The local plumpies love them. It’s a nice little earner and good advertising for McCready’s.”
“Lightning” Rod disagrees. “I had to spend thousands at IKEA on supersized Phati chairs, then get some guy to fix them to the floor,” he fumed. “It could drive me out of business! Bloody thieving blubbery buggers!”
McCready once experimented with beanbags, since they accommodate even the lardiest backside. Unfortunately his ever-hungry clientele would eat the beans between courses.
“I’ve learned from my mistakes,” admits McCready. This is quite true, according to well-fed sources, although politeness has not been discarded altogether.
The new greeting at Greedy McCready’s is Help Yourself To A Table.