LCD Views has received a copy of a copy of a receipt for specialist political veterinary services this morning that suggest one of Labour’s political thoroughbreds maybe undergoing treatment for mouth ulcers after champing at the bit for months.
The receipt gives little information but allows a lot of room for interpretation.
“Name : King Starmer Stud : Labour Condition : Mouth ulcers Treatment : Freedom of speech Prognosis : Time will heal once he’s given his head”
We spoke to a specialist in the field to see if they could glean anymore.
“It’s a pretty common condition for individuals in both the major parties currently. The smaller studs don’t seem to be afflicted, but both the Labour and Conservative stables have dozens of cases. BBC programmes are where you see the problem most acutely.”
It’s believed common brand name salve treatments of saying, ‘any day now’, ‘just be patient’ and ‘let the politics play out’ alleviate the symptoms of champing.
“The only proper cure is to let him have his head. He’s built for races like the Brexit Grand National, but with the organisers constantly changing how many furlongs are in the actual race, it’s problematic for the owners of the stud to know when to just let him run.”
It’s believed the length of the course is likely to be clarified shortly, with many of the major sponsors threatening to begin pulling out within weeks if a decision isn’t made.
“They like to keep his profile up for the punters. You hear and see footage of his trials and you can see he’s just straining to break out and run and jump.”
Stud price is likely to rise significantly with a few more wins under his belt.
“He could win the Grand National, or GE one day, although there’s plenty of other contenders. I’d just let him go for it and see what he can do.”
LCD Views advises they loosen the bit and let this stallion run. He’ll probably make it over the highest jumps. Keep him held back for too long though and he might crash into a watery ditch with the rest of the runners.